jews

so, i was playing around my blog, clicking on my interests, and seeing if anyone else had written "i'm too cool for music". nope, i'm the only one. i did message the other person who had "becoming filthy rich" as an interest...obviously we should be friends.

then, i clicked on "jews". who is the first person who came up as having listed "jews" as an interest? you guessed it, home folk. it's the one and only matt conti. can't....get....away...

on a positive note...

i fucking love my pokemon game for gameboy advance. i may be a loser, but i'm a loser with a level 55 bulbasaur. don't mess.

i guess three friends was a stretch

well, let's see. after a little more drama than i really like at home, i have arrived back in baltimore. i'm kind of stressed. you know what would be nice? going to a bar. oh wait. everyone already left about two, three hours ago without inviting me. i guess that's totally cool too!!! OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!

a story by maggie jordan, age 10

one day, when i was around 3 years old, i was hanging out in the baby pool at the woodlin club. i had a squishy frog toy that squeaked, and i really liked it. i was squeezing it, when a mean boy came and took it away from me. i looked all around the pool for another frog toy, and finally i found a new one! i squeezed the new frog, and all of its guts came out. the end.

surprise chicken

mel: james, can you make dinner tonight?
james: sure! honey lime chicken!
m: i'm tired of that. can you make something else?
j: i'll make surprise chicken!
m: um, no thanks.
j: (singing) surprise chicken! it's made with honey and lime! surprise chicken!
m: please james, nothing with honey or lime.
j: mel, i'm only singing. (continues singing) surprise chicken! one quarter cup of olive oil! half a cup of lime juice!
m: james! really! i don't want surprise chicken!
j: surprise chicken! it's just another name for HONEY LIME CHICKEN! (blows spit in my face)
m: JAMES!
j: it's part of the song!

the dawning of the age of responsibility and maturity

i posted the link to my old xanga, minus all the posts about boys and alcohol. there's not much left! haha!

yesterday was FINALLY my 21st birthday. at midnight on friday, i went to brewer's art with james, marcus, zach, and megan. i drank a lot. it was delicious and fun. saturday, i woke up to go to lunch with james and his mom at the thai restaurant. at first, i felt really hungover and gross, but i got much better after i had a little food. we went back to james's apartment and watched the margaret cho dvd kevin got me. and then it was time for dinner! isn't this the best birthday ever? a group of us went to pazo - a place that has plenty of vegetarian stuff for megan. it was fun, different, and much less expensive than i had antipicated. always good.
presents: zach and marcus bought me my drinks from brewer's art.
kevin got me the margaret cho dvd.
ross and megan got me a guide to wine and a cookbook holder.
james got me a link keychain, a pokemon game for gameboy advance, a collection of zelda games, and a bottle of shiraz - cabernet.
mommy sent me a coffee machine with coffee and filters.
katie sent me a harry potter shirt - "i solemnly swear that i am up to no good".
and allie and maggie i'm sure will buy me lots of nice things when i come home!
so all and all, a great day.

at least tomorrow night will be my birthday

because i've had a couple shitty days. i think the highlight of my day was when i pretended to slit my wrist wtih scissors, but then actually accidentally cut myself. suicide hurts, man. but gosh, it's so hard to choose from all the fun things i've been up to! yesterday, i got up at 6 in the morning to go to two prisons!
today, first i worked all day. then, the second i got home, james, marcus and i rushed off to ikea to get me a bed, since james is taking his back. i started off tired, but i was okay - almost excited to pick out some new stuff. don't worry, the happiness soon faded. i started by calling my mom (a mistake, sorry). oh wait, before this, it turns out that KEVIN is not coming to my birthday. this is no secret. i am very angry. VERY ANGRY. so. anyways. i call my mom, explaining to her that the bed i've picked out is going to cost $300. marcus in one ear is telling me that this is a great deal, and that his bed cost $900, and meanwhile, my mom is telling me that the most she ever spent on a bed was $.35, and also that this bed is not comfortable. i'm like, "mom, clearly you don't understand. I'M SITTING ON THE BED." OMG KILL ME.
side note. since mom is obviously going to be reading this blog: when you call me to tell me i need to book a flight to baltimore, there are three ways you can do this. 1. ask me when i want to go, and when i tell you my choice, you buy the ticket. 2. give me some options, and let me pick. 3. just buy the ticket, because actually my opinion doesn't matter. STOP ASKING ME WHEN I WANT TO COME HOME AND THEN TELLING ME I CAN ONLY LEAVE ON FRIDAY AT 4:30!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH
by the time i'm ready to check out, i'm really really about to lose it. the cashier rings me up wrong, and i literally scream. people stare. then we have to tie the mattress on the roof of the car for like, two eternities. i try to calm down, and even apologize for being cranky, mentioning my extreme tiredness. james says, "oh, you're cranky even when you're not tired." DIE DIE DIE. we drive home at 65 mph with the mattress slowly coming unraveled while i sit on the folded seats in the back without a seatbelt.
we arrive at my apartment. james rips apart my entire room. i am left with nothing. i order some food from the yacht club, and go to pick it up. in the span of a few seconds, i'm groped by every man in the bar, and possibly one female. to conclude the day, i go to james's apartment, where the new video game i bought him reduces me to tears because i can't figure out how to target. so the moral is: DRINKING TOMORROW.

you know you're cool when...

your mom leaves you a comment! YES!!!!!!!!!

hello world! (or, my three friends)

for whatever reason, i was under the delusion that it was EASY to create some kind of "template" for this "blog". as in, i would like my blog to stop looking like some kind of sneaker. but let's not focus on that right this second.

hi! i'm mel. i've decided to create this blog because i think it will be a GREAT way to get my name on the list for bush's next supreme court nomination. (though i'm concerned i might be a little liberal for him). i will try to keep things relatively pg, because we all know what happened with my last blog. needless to say, i won't be mentioning james's...WHOOPS!

let's talk about james for a sec! james is my cutie boyfriend. we've been together about a year and a half. he wrote a song about me called, "mel is fat and bad at everything". as you can see, we're totally soulmates. here's what my typical day is like! first, i wake up at 7 and go to work. i come home around 6. james leaves for work at 4, and comes home at 10 or 11. when he gets home, he says, "oops, honey! i forgot to practice during the nine hours you were at work!" and then i say, "okay honey! i'm going to bed! see you tomorrow!" we are really in love.

i'm going to try to figure out how to copy and paste my interests from facebook now. does this blog even have a spot for my interests? i sure hope so.