at least tomorrow night will be my birthday

because i've had a couple shitty days. i think the highlight of my day was when i pretended to slit my wrist wtih scissors, but then actually accidentally cut myself. suicide hurts, man. but gosh, it's so hard to choose from all the fun things i've been up to! yesterday, i got up at 6 in the morning to go to two prisons!
today, first i worked all day. then, the second i got home, james, marcus and i rushed off to ikea to get me a bed, since james is taking his back. i started off tired, but i was okay - almost excited to pick out some new stuff. don't worry, the happiness soon faded. i started by calling my mom (a mistake, sorry). oh wait, before this, it turns out that KEVIN is not coming to my birthday. this is no secret. i am very angry. VERY ANGRY. so. anyways. i call my mom, explaining to her that the bed i've picked out is going to cost $300. marcus in one ear is telling me that this is a great deal, and that his bed cost $900, and meanwhile, my mom is telling me that the most she ever spent on a bed was $.35, and also that this bed is not comfortable. i'm like, "mom, clearly you don't understand. I'M SITTING ON THE BED." OMG KILL ME.
side note. since mom is obviously going to be reading this blog: when you call me to tell me i need to book a flight to baltimore, there are three ways you can do this. 1. ask me when i want to go, and when i tell you my choice, you buy the ticket. 2. give me some options, and let me pick. 3. just buy the ticket, because actually my opinion doesn't matter. STOP ASKING ME WHEN I WANT TO COME HOME AND THEN TELLING ME I CAN ONLY LEAVE ON FRIDAY AT 4:30!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH
by the time i'm ready to check out, i'm really really about to lose it. the cashier rings me up wrong, and i literally scream. people stare. then we have to tie the mattress on the roof of the car for like, two eternities. i try to calm down, and even apologize for being cranky, mentioning my extreme tiredness. james says, "oh, you're cranky even when you're not tired." DIE DIE DIE. we drive home at 65 mph with the mattress slowly coming unraveled while i sit on the folded seats in the back without a seatbelt.
we arrive at my apartment. james rips apart my entire room. i am left with nothing. i order some food from the yacht club, and go to pick it up. in the span of a few seconds, i'm groped by every man in the bar, and possibly one female. to conclude the day, i go to james's apartment, where the new video game i bought him reduces me to tears because i can't figure out how to target. so the moral is: DRINKING TOMORROW.